Black History?

I can't say I've been watching the Winter Olympic games because basically just looking at all that snow and ice gives me the chills. That's not entertaining to me. So I was completely caught off guard when I got the news about Speedskater Shani Davis, the first African-American athlete to capture an individual gold medal in the Winter Olympics four years ago and repeat the feat in this years games. All while rocking a "leave nothing to the imagination" body suit. Oooow!
Like many other African Americans I'm overcome with pride for his accomplishments but part of me feels like he's not the first Black Speed Skater. In honor of black history month I want to share the story of Esra Smith, a hardworking family man caught in the brutal winter storm of 1940 in Acadiana Louisiana.
After a fresh 13" of snow fell over the small town, Esra Smith, was forced out into the elements to get some food for his family. Due to the heavy snowfall he discovered the only way into town was to cross a "WHITE'S ONLY" pond used in the summer months for swimming. After he scowered the area for any passers and said a prayer for his life, Esra stepped onto the ice. 
"What you doin boy?" Esra heard just moments later as he fought to keep his balance on the slick surface. The chill of death ran up his spine as he turned to see 4 whites approaching the edge of the pond like a pack of wolves searching for a kill.  Esra began to widen his strides and skate for dear life. "We're gonna get you boy! We're gonna kill you!" they yelled as they took to the ice and started after him. Esra kicked it into high gear and was on the other side of the 1/2 mile pond in 45 sec. Setting a unrecorded record as the fastest and first black speed skater. Then he found a large stick and whacked the ice until it crack sending his pursuers under the water and to their death. He wiped his prints from the stick and ran off like his life depended on it because Lord knows it did.
Shout out to Esra and Shani for making Black History!

Pain = Laughter

Sometimes the things we find funny are the things that are most true!
Check out this video of me talking about wetting the bed as a child. TRUE STORY!
If you ever wet the bed then you can feel my pain and if you ever shared a bed with someone who wet the bed (sorry lil sis) you know this story all too well.
Enjoy!

Almost But Not Quite

I recently ran across this article on my handy dandy USAToday iPhone ap when I read the headline:

More retailers offer fashionable clothing for plus-size womenRead full article 

So, I guess someone finally realized not everyone got sucked into ordering Shawn T's Hip Hop Abs or Susan Lucci's Malibu Pilates Chair from the 2am infomercial. Maybe at their last conference someone metioned that they thought eating disorders went out of style in '04 along with the Ricki Lake Show. Not to mention with all of the steroids and sugar that concentrates our food the only people able to fit most of these tiny styles are newborns and crack addicts. So welcome to 2010 retailers.

But I would be re missed if I didn't take this opportunity to say "Almost but Not Quite" because there is a group of women that are not being serviced by most retailers at all and that is the medium/thick chick. This woman has a lil extra on her arms and back and she has round thighs, hips and/or a big butt. Not to be confused with the chicks that are about 100-150lbs over weight who tries to pass off a waist belt for a waist. No I'm talking about a woman who's a little more filled out but can't shop in the Plus Size Department. (No diss plus size chicks...I'm just sayin)

And unfortunately for the medium/thick chick finding clothes that accommodate her is a challenge. Either the shirt sleeves are too skinny or the pants are cut for a chick with absolutely nothing in the back and a lower case 'V' in the front. FYI...Two inch zippers are for baby clothes.
Going shopping is most women's favorite past time but not for me. Going shopping is a burden because no matter if I go a size up or down. Something is going to hang wrong. Now I'm frustrated and depressed which sends me to the Cinnabon stand for a Caramel Pecanbun with extra icing. Yes, Extra. I told you my feelings were hurt. Then after I finish the entire thing in one sitting I'm even more depressed because I realize I'm that much further from the crack head clothes and much closer to the car cover. So I wander along the streets until I find a bar because nothing is going to cheer me up now except 3 white wines and the sweet compliments of some some lonely old man sitting next to me smelling of desperation and Viagra. So I say all that to say the fashion industry needs to consider girls like me, the 'in-between chick', and create that line so I can start feeling good about shopping again. Because if this continues, I really will be shopping in the Plus department which will then drive down the availability of the fashionable styles that retailers are adding to the department. It's a vicious cycle.

FYI: I'm sure someone is reading this like "OMG! Just lose some weight! Duh!" So let me be very clear: I love my size (somewhere between 10-12, depending on what I've been eating) and I like having thighs and hips and ass! That's what women are supposed to have. Not dissing naturally skinny girls; you're rocking what God gave you. WORK IT! But I'm not about to kill myself and try to conform to some unrealistic image of what a woman is supposed to look like. Pass me the pasta and lets do this!

Oh Boy!

Okay, i just had a Dirty Old Woman moment. Have you seen the new Omarion Video? Yum. Is it just me or are these little boys looking good as hell these days? Good enough to eat? Yummy like chocolate on homemade biscuits with a plate of strawberries and some Champagne? You understand. Definitely feel myself gearing up for a young boy faze this summer. Between him and Trey Songs somebody 19-25 yr old son is in trouble.
Enjoy!