Almost But Not Quite

I recently ran across this article on my handy dandy USAToday iPhone ap when I read the headline:

More retailers offer fashionable clothing for plus-size womenRead full article 

So, I guess someone finally realized not everyone got sucked into ordering Shawn T's Hip Hop Abs or Susan Lucci's Malibu Pilates Chair from the 2am infomercial. Maybe at their last conference someone metioned that they thought eating disorders went out of style in '04 along with the Ricki Lake Show. Not to mention with all of the steroids and sugar that concentrates our food the only people able to fit most of these tiny styles are newborns and crack addicts. So welcome to 2010 retailers.

But I would be re missed if I didn't take this opportunity to say "Almost but Not Quite" because there is a group of women that are not being serviced by most retailers at all and that is the medium/thick chick. This woman has a lil extra on her arms and back and she has round thighs, hips and/or a big butt. Not to be confused with the chicks that are about 100-150lbs over weight who tries to pass off a waist belt for a waist. No I'm talking about a woman who's a little more filled out but can't shop in the Plus Size Department. (No diss plus size chicks...I'm just sayin)

And unfortunately for the medium/thick chick finding clothes that accommodate her is a challenge. Either the shirt sleeves are too skinny or the pants are cut for a chick with absolutely nothing in the back and a lower case 'V' in the front. FYI...Two inch zippers are for baby clothes.
Going shopping is most women's favorite past time but not for me. Going shopping is a burden because no matter if I go a size up or down. Something is going to hang wrong. Now I'm frustrated and depressed which sends me to the Cinnabon stand for a Caramel Pecanbun with extra icing. Yes, Extra. I told you my feelings were hurt. Then after I finish the entire thing in one sitting I'm even more depressed because I realize I'm that much further from the crack head clothes and much closer to the car cover. So I wander along the streets until I find a bar because nothing is going to cheer me up now except 3 white wines and the sweet compliments of some some lonely old man sitting next to me smelling of desperation and Viagra. So I say all that to say the fashion industry needs to consider girls like me, the 'in-between chick', and create that line so I can start feeling good about shopping again. Because if this continues, I really will be shopping in the Plus department which will then drive down the availability of the fashionable styles that retailers are adding to the department. It's a vicious cycle.

FYI: I'm sure someone is reading this like "OMG! Just lose some weight! Duh!" So let me be very clear: I love my size (somewhere between 10-12, depending on what I've been eating) and I like having thighs and hips and ass! That's what women are supposed to have. Not dissing naturally skinny girls; you're rocking what God gave you. WORK IT! But I'm not about to kill myself and try to conform to some unrealistic image of what a woman is supposed to look like. Pass me the pasta and lets do this!

SYAU Blagojevich!

Over the past year I've noticed that people have lost the racist filter which helps them filter the disrespectful things they would normally only say around other people of their race. Black people calling White people "Honkies" at the fish fry. White people calling Black people N***as on the golf course (with or without Tiger Woods around). And Middle Easterners talking about everybody right in their face because we don't know what the hell they're saying on that cell phone while we ride along in the back of that cab. These days everybody is saying whatever they want and they don't care who's around to hear. 

Just today, Associated Press reports that ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich (the dude that tried to sell Obama's Senate seat) stated:

"I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived."  
Read Full Article. 

Really? So let me get this straight because he lived in a small apartment, that's supposed to make him black? So is he saying all black people live in sub par conditions because that's what hearing? And he said he shined shoes. So we're supposed to agree that he's black because of this? Why? Because that's the kind of work black people do: shine shoes, open doors, and carry luggage. So black people are servants because that's also what I'm hearing? Now let's explore the final part of his statement: the laundromat in the black community was NOT FAR from your house.  You know what that means. His family didn't live in the hood. His father just set up shop there. Probably with some overprices machines that barely cleaned your clothes and a spin cycle that never really got the water out so you had to use another machine to respin your clothes to get out the access? Then at the end of the day he slammed that metal gate down, locked the 37 locks on the door and burned rubber to the other side. What's next? He's black because he got fired from his job? FYI, ex Governor, all that puts you about as close to being black as me living near Sea World makes me a dolphin.

Someone please tell Blagojevich that nothing about his life makes him black because at the end of the day he's white and he's never in life experienced any the racism, fear and overall contempt that President Obama indured just in the 2 years of campaigning. 

So take you're medication and SYAU (Shut Yo Ass Up) Blagojevich! You'll never be black and you should be happy because if you were you're ass would have been jail mates with Michael Vick, T.I., Lil Wayne and Plaxico Burris for conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery.

Are You Eff'n Serious?

It’s was another day of surfing the web in search of the latest headlines, horoscopes and words of encouragement, when I came across what sparked the title of today’s entry that I will be incorporating into my Blog in the future. It’s a lil something I’d like to call:

Are you Eff’n Serious? 
Michael Jackson Memorial nominated for Outstanding Variety Television award by NAACP Image Awards 

Foreal, how did this happen? Was one of the mentally impaired people that every company is required to hire, given the opportunity to choose a winner for this category (also apart of the equal opportunity requirements)? Or maybe it was a big snowstorm and the only person in the building was the janitor who had not quite gotten his GED yet, and the nominations had to go out right that moment leaving the task in his hands and unfortunately he didn’t know that Memorial is another word for Funeral. As in Loss. As in Eye on the Sparrow.

Now, I understand that we are seriously under represented on TV but it’s hard for me to believe there was nothing else to nominate? No Celebrity Comedy Roast? Old Sold Train episodes? Hell, I would have been okay with a high school talent show that aired on some Public Access channel. Not a damn funeral! FYI, that big shiny box they had up front wasn’t a podium for a midget, Michael Jackson was in there!

To be fair I can see how they could have been confused especially with Usher’s “emotional” rendition of “Gone To Soon” which he ended by snatching of his sunglasses and reaching for the casket like it was suddenly rolling away. Then there was the dramatic Usher/Jackson family hug, and who can forget Usher burying his head in Kathryn Jackson’s lap like he was a contestant in a pie-eating contest. You know what, now that I think about it, I’m taking everything I said back. This whole thing is Usher’s fault.

Seriously though, this nomination was a horrible call by the NAACP and if this is the kind of decision making going on over there it's not wonder black people never got reparations. I'm just saying NAACP, in the future if you find yourself grabbing at straws over who to give an Image Award to just remember, you can always give it to me.

Finally!

Today while surfing around the web looking for new ignorance to talk about, I stumbled across the story of Mrs. Iris Robinson the wife of Ireland's senior most politician who recently cheated on her husband. In the last 5 years it seems we've been inundated with stories of cheating husbands: Kobe Bryant and the anal violation, Governor Elliot Spitzer and the hooker ring, Senator McGreevy and his boy toy, John Edwards and his love child, and most recently Tiger Woods and his harem of hoes.
But for me what's worse than hearing the stories is watching the press conference where the wife stands next to the husband as he delivers a stilted address of his mistakes and how sorry he is when we all know he wasn't sorry when he was waxing all that #@$!
So it was refreshing to finally see a man in this reverse role. Check out Mr. Robinson as he is interviewed about his wife's affair and why he decided to stay. That's right fellas women are getting it poppin too. So let's all get out press conference speeches ready.