I’m sure someone will read the title of this blog and say “That is so mean. I can’t believe she would say something like that! Hadiyah you wrong!” Well I said it and I’m not apologizing because it needs to be said. There’s an obsession with weight and men are in no way affected by it. To be a fat man in this country is completely okay. Fat guys are funny, they get women that are completely out of their league (According to Jim, King of Queens) and they are even rich rappers that all the women want (, Fat Joe and Notorious B.I.G. - God Bless the dead) and I think it’s because of all these examples fat men everywhere think they have it going on. FYI sweety, that walk is not Swaggar that’s unbalanced pressure on your knees and ankles.
Things have got to change and I'm taking a stand against the madness. I remember once this fat dude I know asked me what happened after he noticed I had picked up a few pounds. And it wasn't even out of concern like "Is everything okay?" No it was audacious like "Dayum girl, you slippin." Meanwhile he was standing there with the Octomom's third trimester stomach. Not to mention the many times I've gotten an offer from some big, circular shaped, mass of flesh complete with the head nod and wink like he’s doing me a favor. BEAT IT! If you are a fat man you CAN NOT have my phone number. HELL NAW. My apartment keeps good heat so I don't need fogging up the windows with all that body heat.
I mean really, why are men fat anyway. Think about it they don’t have hormonal issues, water retention, and they don't have babies. So again I ask, WHY ARE MEN FAT? I'm sure most of you have never thought of it but lucky for you I've discovered that fat on a man says a lot about what kind of man he is and here are THE 5 REASONS I DON’T DATE FAT BOYZ:
1. If a man is fat HE IS LAZY. Fact: A man's metabolism is 5-10% faster than a woman's so he's already at an advantage. A man can take to the court with his boys, run a few games of basketball, tennis, soccer, etc., come home and have a six pack of abs. Maybe it's not that easy but it's close. So if he can’t do this for himself I can't depend on him to go out of his way for anything that I want or need. “Baby the car broke down, I'm stranded on the side of the road. I need you to come get me and the kids.” After a long paused, some involuntary heavy breathing and a sigh of irritation I’m sure I’d hear “Why don’t you try to flag someone down. I’m sure a good Samaritan will pick you up. I’ll stay on the phone with you until then.” Anything that takes energy he’s probably not going to do it.
2. If a man is fat that HE HAS NO CONTROL. He’s going to eat any and everything he wants all the time. Which means if I’m not around and he sees a woman he likes…need I say more? I can’t trust this man because I know that his appetite is the only thing that truly matters to him.
3. If a man is fat and his excuse is "I'm an emotional eater," HE'S GOT FEMININE TENDANCIES aka BITCH. Science tells us that women are emotional and men are critical. Women deal in fantasy and men in hard facts. So if he’s sitting around eating Häagen-Dazs®, watching Grey’s Anatomy, crying like he's got PMS, my period is probably going to start because there’s an overload of estrogen in the room.
4. If a man is fat HE'S NOT HEALTH CONSCIOUS. Diabetes, High Blood are serious diseases that can take you off the earth and he may be suffering from these diseases and never even know it because he hasn't been to the doctor. Beyond that he may even have a few sexually transmitted diseases lying dormant in his system waiting to pass on. (FYI…every man should be tested cause some are not as sexually contentious as they should be but that’s another blog) Bottom line is I could wake up with a bubbling mass of skin and smelly discharge because he thought it was just a regular bump.
5. Finally, if a man is fat that means quite frankly HE'S FAT and that shit is not sexy! Stretchmarks on his ass, hotdog rolls on the back of his neck, the space where his pecs should be there are supple shaped boobs. Then below the belt his package is hiding under his moon shaped belly shading the goodies from the sun which is keeping them cold and therefore not at their maximum potential. COLD + PACKAGE = SAD
In closing, I wrote this blog not to be mean nor to be insensitive but to call attention to the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to weight. There's a ridiculous amount of pressure only on women when we all should be trying to be our best selves and live as healthy as possible. So fellas get it together.